Sunday, 29 May 2011

Peeling off the layers...

Why have I gone crazy?
Seriously if I knew the answer to the above, I would never put it up for my own humiliation in front of whatever little audience/readers I have on a lonely blog of mine. Lately I have noticed some symptoms of craziness surfacing up all over me.

What has led me to question my lost sanity? This summer afternoon as people hide in their air conditioned room, I too sit in the bliss of this cooling machine as long as the electricity allows me and wonder; have the dams suddenly been filled with extra water?

While I sit and absorb my family’s chat, the blaring television and allow my eyes to dart on the laptop’s screen; sleep starts to creep its way up my feet. The intoxicating cool air from the cooling machine succeeds at dragging me to blissful dose of afternoon nap. I resist. I succeed in beating the overwhelming luring spell.
After an hour of fighting with my deranged, lazy nutty self, I am still sitting in the room with the cooling machine, spreading its spell of delicious druggy sleep. My eyes are still on the computer screen with my ears open to the sounds around me. Once in a while I pitch in my opinion in the family discussion and comment on the bullshit on television. Unfortunately I have done little as far as accomplishing my little tasks, like reading, writing and skimming through newspapers online.

This is the point I realize that I have lost whatever sanity was left of me. I do this every time.  I make pious resolutions of doing this and that only to fail at getting things done.  There’s got to be some limit to what disasters humans can do! It would save me a lot of my brains and time!

Certain dilemmas, unanswered riddles of life, unaccomplished goals, I don’t know what but it is something big, something ugly that always, ALWAYS, hinders my focus, my concentration. Lately my poor time management, lack of interest in things I am supposed to be good at, short attention span has led me to believe that I m growing senile ! This should be something scary for a woman my age!

Now as I reminisce about what has gone by, it is hard to believe that I, the lame lazy person that I m today, was actually a capable person of some merit. In very plain words, I have sucked in life quite a lot of times. However, there was a wave of potential energy in me not long ago. Yet it is near to impossible for me to recall the times when I had the efficacy of considerable amount!
SO ? Where has all the enthusiasm for life vanished? Why have I accepted the senile side of me so easily?  The discovery of my ‘new’ benighted self is astounding but what is more astonishing is that I have ceded  my intellectual territory to an unknown fear. 

The conundrum continues...

Sunday, 8 May 2011

A letter to my mum

Dear Mama,

There is something special about you. Something very special that I fail to put into perfect words.
It was a very fortunate day when I first saw you beaming at me. I was crying and wailing when you picked me, a bundle of wrinkly and pink little thing. My existence was tiny and fragile but it meant the world to you. I remember that there was warmth and promise in your eyes that our relation would last beyond our lifetime.

The day you brought me into this world, the day I saw you, I knew you would always be by my side; sometimes scolding me, sometimes laughing with me, sometimes sharing my pain and tears. I have run into your arms in moments of weakness and come out with renewed strength. As a daughter I have disappointed you many a times, you have, however, never lost hope in me and always guided me through thick and thin.
It puts a smile on my face when I recall the many times I have put my head in your lap and looked up at your serene face and felt that my world is here, with you, in your warm and nourishing love.

 It was only the other day when my hair semi wet were rolled in an untidy chignon and mama you came with a brush in your hands and that annoyed look on your face. Like always you told me how lazy I have become and started brushing through my hair. I have read somewhere that having someone to brush through your hair is one of the pleasures of life and rightly so!

Though a grown up now, I still come to you when I m troubled and lost and without any shame, I shed my tears; you take them away from me.  Every time you lift your hands for prayer, I know you pray the best for me. I cannot imagine to have been through life so far without your wisdom and your caring heart.

For all the times that I have let you down, that I have not listened to you, that I have not been a good daughter; I want to apologize. Regardless of my short comings, you have always come to save the day. This piece of writing is only a small token of my love, nothing compared to your abundance of love that you shower on your children equally.  Mum, you are the best!

lazy mubi :)


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