Thursday, 28 January 2010

i m but inhuman

The pair of eyes looked at me through the wires running parallel to each other. I could tell they were intense, in a way observant of me and my movements. The tiny beady eyes remained static, motionless for a while. No matter how many languages I learn in the world i would never to be able to comprehend theirs. This came as an afterthought while I just stood there in front of them. There was a barrier between us, something that i could reach out to and break. Humans can be indifferent at times and i preferred being that. A skill that i had mastered unknowingly as the world around me grew into a hostile place, where only war became the answer to end another war.

The sun and the clouds above met our eyes. Everything was in place. The yellow hanging in the blue and the white carefully sailing past the yellow and in the process giving birth to my shadow. My kneaded eyebrows relaxed for some time. I felt every muscle in my body shiver. The sun's mild warmth had pulled me into a state of listening to a lullaby and fall prey to a deep sleep. I felt my jaw tightened as i made a failed attempt to curve my lips into a smile. A faint smile of pity and sympathy of a man who knows that he is the oppressor but it is fine because its for the good of the world. As this thought crossed my mind, i felt part of the bigger picture, content for my actions. Not wasting a single moment, I took a 180 degrees turn on my toes like a belle dancer, my back towards the expectant pair of dark, beady eyes and walked the walk of a carefree person in the world.

As the distance between me and the beady eyes increased, I grew smaller and insignificant for the life behind the wires. Beady eyes remained perched on the horizontal rusted rod in the middle of the cage. A free bird landed its flight nearby on the lawn swing and spoke a language I would never know.

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

so um ya!

Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again

ya the lyrics from a film, a fillam! i m so out of words i couldnt even come up with original verses on my own birthday. yes its my D day today, my 'birddaaayyy'. so this song above is all thats been hovering all over me these days. these lines sort of pinched me. i dont know why but ya i do want to grow up once more. no, no i think what i want is not to grow up anymore, turn back time, freeze it where ever i want it to. maybe a carpe diem of a different sort, seize the moment whenever i want. be like peter pan in a land where one never grows.

or maybe i just stop being an impossible person with impossible childish wishes and act my age. now thats boring. wheres all the fun? i think i will go back to that wishing corner and sing the above song hahaha.

or get into the JOE (from Friends) mode and look up the ceiling and whine 'why God why me' except that unlike him i m not yet 30 ! *phew* :p hahaha loved that episode when rachel turns 30

or just peek out the window and be contented with the magical view outside - snow falling from the heavenly sky, feel it on my face and awe at the flakes as they become part of my hands as soon as they touch them.

i like the last thought better, theres life left for other crazy wishes

a new year post *edited* coming out late

yes you have read it right. a new year post after a long pause of no posts at all and to be more precise, a sudden rush of emotion to blog SOMETHING after many hiatus that i so conveniently took throughout the year, the inconsistency of blogging, it wont be wrong if i state that on the scale of miser detector, the alarm went shouting, scarletwings scarletwings!!!

why then am i here, at the end of the year? what drew me back to the much loved world of blogging. there was a rush of emotions amidst the cold foggy night in Lahore that i decided, first thing in the morning i will type something here. despite the cold, the frozen hands, the red ears and nose, the rush of emotions did not hold itself for long. it melted soon to be forgotten in the morning. i contented myself with 'burnt shadows' and leafed the pages and re read my favourite parts( the reason my brother is almost done reading it while i m still there on the same pages)

what does the new year post imply? what is one expected to write? about the successes and failures, about the trips taken or the trips postponed. prayers said deep into the night or many a times that prayers were deliberately forgotten as a secret act of rebellion against God. the year spent defining happiness or days spent being consumed by the various blues and grays. endless debates on the pathetic blame games of the politicians, international politics and their gimmicks? a look back at the year you see a horrible graffiti of war, blood, suicide bombings, terrorism, conspiracy theories, how many died on your side of the border? a year began and a year ended full of hopes and expectations, new relationships, old broken ones, a few mended, and some just there like scars waiting to be healed one day... and ya long lists of resolutions.

so what am i doing here? trying hard to write something good but that just wont come i left this post, abandoned it, quit it like many things till i completely forget about it. but had to finish this one, unlike the many that are lying in the drafts matter if its already a new year and everyone's done with their new year posts and wishes.

a belated (but never mind) happy new year to all the readers (of this sleepy blog)
statistically 2009 was a sluggish year in terms of the posts i made here, remained absent i wonder why...but definitely more posts in OH TEN


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