Sunday, 31 May 2009

some conversations...many upon a time

on a hot summer day when standing in the kitchen is unbearable let alone cooking...

Pa: aj khanay mai kia hai? whats for lunch today?

Ma: mattar gohst. mutton and peas

Pa: aur jis nay gosht nai khana woh kia khaaye? and who doesnt want to eat mutton?

Ma: woh mattar khaaye. they can have peas

Me: aur jis nay mattar nai khanay woh? and those who dont want to have peas?

Ma: woh apna sar khaaye! they can have their brain!

________________________________________________

me (in a nostalgic tone): i so want to go back to my alevels days...

brother: start being dumb again

me: what? that was the only time when i wasnt!

_______________________________________________

me: salam, A say baat kerni thi...

A's bro: ya sure, hold a sec

me waiting for many seconds while theres a lot of screaming and shouting on the other line. finally A comes on the line

me: eerr hallo?

A : (shouts) dont wana talk to anyone right now, BYE!

hangs up the line

me: okaay....bye.....whatever! hmpf!

________________________________________________

mubi: how could this be? can life ever be fair? hmpf!

Ma: why what happened?

mubi: its only 10: 55 am !!

Ma:( trying to be funny) hmm now thats tragic! tch tch! aisa roz roz nahi hona chahiyay

mubi: m not joking! can you believe it? they cant even be a little punctual !

Ma: (sees discomfort and annoyance) eerr are you expecting someone?

mubi: WAS! i was expecting someone but no! its either early or late.hardly ever on time!

Ma: omG...is it one of your imaginary friends from the past?

mubi: (looks at ma weirdly) what? NO ! are you sure you are alright?

Ma: i think i should be asking that !

mubi: well in that case no i am not alright. life is so not fair

Ma: yes you just said that...but i want to know more about who came early...

mubi: the light ma, the light! these wapda people will never learn anything about punctuality now, will they? how could they be so careless. if it goes for one hour why is it already back at 10: 55? i dont want any more surprizes hmpf !

and she walks out of the room while Ma gasps in shock and horror at the way WAPDA works...


someone said it so aptly that " All serious conversations gravitate towards philosophy"


Thursday, 28 May 2009

when you do the undid and then try to undo the did but then its no use coz the did is done and you cannot erase everything like undo the did

i have..

updated my hit list

cursed the politicians, burn in hell

cleaned my room, the messy study desk

bought the long desired fairy tale book :D

painted a maroon nail polish on a pink nail polish which made it almost black nail polish 'uber-cool' !!

have just used the compound word 'uber-cool' whose meaning is only available on urban dictionary

slept a lot on random hours with no electricity and sweat trickling down from all ticklish parts of my body

observed that all my previous posts have not been able to generate more than 12 comments on an average but the fan rate has gone up!

*update* ...burnt myself twice once with a 'tawa' and then with boiling water, electrocuted once, two deep cuts on fingers and saved myself from falling on the stairs face down all in a week.



then i havent...

read the zits comics in a long time

had any ice cream in the last 24 hours

had ras malai since last year

picked up a fight with my brother in a 'long' time

crashed the car even once, thats earning extra chances to drive!

stared back at 'men' who are quite keen on singing some song as soon as 'someone' passes by them

taken roadside pictures of a welding, a construction site and a baby

put on any make up in the last 3 years? ok no thats not a 'haven't'

i have never made a silly list like this one before.

*yet another update*
let this post be an open tag :D :D make your lists of haves and havents especially those you have commented and otherwise too..ok mubi stop typing !

Monday, 25 May 2009

It happened one morning and never happened again

One bright, sunny morning (the way British like) I woke up with a snow white envelope in my left hand ( i m a southpaw, so technically its correct). Rubbing my puffy eyes I opened the envelope with a child's curiosity. Aside: Who could and why would anyone send me a letter in this age of E- mail. Anyhow I hurriedly took out a crisp, neatly folded blue paper. On it were scribbled these lines:

"Lets spare the world! Your times up."
p.s: we are being lenient, you have 24 hours.
Good Luck!
Angel of Death
Human Resource Dept.


Do not expect me to tell you what I had to go through or what my reaction was! Fear? Goosebumps? sweating like a pig while counting my limited breathes, fidgeting? nope, no, nothing like that. I was not astonished, neither did i feel my heart sinking into the deepest, unknown hide outs in my body (what? hmm). And most of all yes, unfortunately i did faint. Fainted! yes. Not because I was on a verge of having a cardiac arrest. No. Nothing that terrible. Just because I thought that 24 hours were so LESS! so unfair! I was overwhelmed with uncontainable excitement. So much to do in such a short time span!

When I finally regained my conscious, I pinched myself quickly and read the letter one more time. I couldnt organise my thoughts; all came jumping, running and galloping, crashing into my mind! Only if they had informed me before time I could have done it better.

I started off by making a long list of things i could do in the remaining 23 hours. I spent one hour fainting dramatically and staying unconscious. I decided I would first go and rob a bank. After all everyone should have a little adventure before they go UP. Talking of UP, theres a new animated movie called UP that I might have watched only if... Anyhow i was off to some of my mischief and violating the law. totally unleashed, no responsibility of being a responsible citizen. Then I went to a theme park and took all the rides, especially the roller coaster a number of times until I felt like throwing up.

Yes, yes you are right about that...the police aka cops (sounds cool) was after me! Of course robbing a bank is no joke! I went and hid in a cinema and watched all the movies they were showing -back to back. This saved my life for more than six hours. My genius mind was gliding, working fast like Mojo jojos!

To keep the long story short, by the time I came out I surrendered and landed in a jail. In this country every politician has to take a nice trip to the jail once at least, the more the better, for a successful career.

Dont expect me to end this piece with the mymotherwokemeup or ifelloffthebed kind of an ending although the whole writing is the 'silly piece of words', as if i care!! Well I did die. yes! The angel took me but now lets have some privacy and peace. I cant tell you what I am doing up here! *smug*

The End
ghostly ever after

OR ....

I COULD HAVE HAD ANOTHER ENDING.
You know the kind Shakespeare did. Like he made his heroes tragic heroes and people cried at their tragic flaw and that one mistake they make that costs them their life. well yes that classic tragic ending. So here it goes. Ending number 2. REWIND! Darn the dvd's getting stuck.. and zoom we go back to where I was caught by the cops and ended up behind the bars.

to be continued...
lots of commercials.


To keep the long story short, by the time I came out I surrendered and landed in a jail. In this country every politician has to take a nice trip to the jail once at least, the more the better, for a successful career.

Soon my fame, and luck and excitement seemed like a drag. Like you go through when reading Twilight and thinking why is the same thing mentioned on every other page? 23 hours had long been over; how come i was still alive? i fell asleep while still in an Aside conversation with myself.
The sweltering, suffocating heat within the enclosed cell walls woke me up. i realized I'm still alive. A LIVE. Another tiny white envelope was tucked into my pocket. Only its edge was peeping out from the brown khakies.

I quickly pulled it out. Deja vu. Opened it in such a rush that I tore half a page. It was pink this time. On it was scribbled in an untidy writing, unlike the previous calligraphy font.

We are sorry. there has been some terrible mistake. the virus in our computer gave us your name. you are too bad for our place up here. we only take good people and thank God you showed us your evil side. you have truly saved us. You can continue with creating havoc down where you are. have fun! Toodles! chao! Hasta la vista ( not so soon)
good luck angel of death human resource dept
p.s: my team is saying a big halo to you.


Aside and aloud to myself: Sheesh! Someone free me from this jail!!! *screams*

The audience gets up and leaves the empty popcorn boxes and cold drinks and used tissue papers in the hall. murmuring to each other, 'i m glad the ending was happy', 'ya happily ever afters are rare..'



Wednesday, 20 May 2009

declaration of a hiatus after an announced hiatus and comeback

i m back.
finally
out of my secret shell

Sometimes the strangest things happen to people! something to make them jump out of their seats. something to make them believe in miracles. and for those who already believe in them, the faith strengthens.

Those strangest things result in ultimate euphoria. the zone of accumulation bursts and it flows out. the joy, the exultation, everything. you feel like doing a jitterbug dance. without any effort you are jumping around in joy, literally, displaying your mental imbalance due to excessive euphoria. but you dont care, you continue dancing, jumping up and down, twisting and turning in exceptional joy like you own the world; without any worry that your neighbour might be peeping out of their window, looking across them inside another window. you go on singing the first song in your mind in your hoarse voice, the glass doesnt break either.

so whats your motto? nothing is impossible in this world. miracles do happen.

Sunday, 17 May 2009

coke vs the guyain (cow) soap



Never saw it on t.v. but so far the stupidest advertisement i have ever seen. i would prefer watching the oh so famous guy (cow) soap ad from the 90s over the coke one. Too bad youtube doesnt have a clip of it :/ but the tag line for the advert went like this "what a guy(cow)" the cow is 'guy soap's' brand mascot.

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

of advertisements...

hmm ads sometimes give you deja vu like this one

omore :/




coca cola :D :D




so omore's is a copy of coca colas :/

Saturday, 9 May 2009

Ma kay naam



hahaha.

but on a serious note this song touches my heart. many have sung this piece of poetry of Shah Hussain but no one sang it better than Hamid Ali bela.

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