Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Eid celebrations

I thought i'd come on blogger and simply write "eid mubarak to all my readers and fellow bloggers" and ta da! thats it. Then i thought that would be too dry and too short a post for a festival such as Eid.
Though i dont have any foreign, goray (notice my sad lil pouty face on the lack of this, gora syndrome eh!)or people coming from other religions visiting my blog still i better shed some light on what is Eid.
Well, Eid ul Fitr, famously known as choti eid to us Pakistanis, is a religious festival, a holiday that ties the final knot to the Holy month of Ramazan.That also brings us to the end of our 30 days of fasting and thus the term fitr which means breaking the fast. Highlights of this festivity include congregational prayers for men, cooking delicious food especially sweets, while the younger ones ask for eidi from their elders that comes in the form of gifts and money. I forgot to mention the big hugs we give to each other on account of eid milna. In short Eid holds something special for everyone.
Today, sadly though, the meaning of eid is to an extent lost, blurred out. The essence of the celebrations long forgotten.
Till now even i was blabbing out "ah,i am not looking forward to Eid *grunt*" I am ashamed to realize how wrong i am. Instead of being thankful for the blessed gift from Allah, here i am being one ungrateful person. I remember that Eid with my Nano (grandma) used to be so much fun though i never realized it then. There used to be some kind of a charm in getting all dressed up, going to her place, meeting all the relatives, the gathering, eating paan( this used to be one family ritual we never missed on) then going in front of the mirror and looking at our red tongues. The crisp note of 10 rupees and a warm, cozy hug from my Nano was everything. This all i miss...
Eid is still the same, just that i have drifted away. Just that i have stopped looking at the fun filled side of it that still awaits my attention. There is still wearing new clothes, applying henna late in the night, buttering up and sometimes nicking out eidi from brothers, eating the mouth watery delights mum cooks early in the morning...
On a lighter note, i am not very fond of henna but being part of the henna applying gang is much more fun. Besides its time when you can get creative with designs only to see them turn out disastrous in the end (as always). Since i am a Khusa lover/collector, Eid remains one of the reasons to shop for at least a new pair every year, sometimes twice during the bari Eid as well:D. By the way i got a pretty set of multi coloured bangles from my khala that blends well with my Eid suit. Hmm let me reconsider this, make it suits. Like always i have two Eid suits and thus the decision which one to wear on which day is mind boggling *ear to ear grin*. One is beige with multicolored embroidery,bead work etc, while the other one is deep, dark purple with ferozi (a shade of blue) thread embroidery and tiny mirrors on the front and the sleeves. The decision is going to take long ehehehe. As for those of my friends who lost their eid suits to the wild scissors and unknown mishaps of the tailors, i offer my deep condolence :p

EID Mubarak to everyone, those who are already celebrating it, have fun and eat lotsa sweets, and please dont make it a sleeping day.
heres a link( the owner doesnt allow embedding request) i came across while you tubing
eid mubarak song

Eid in Pakistan is either tomorrow or day after tomorrow, we still await the suspense by the moon sighting committee :D bless.

P.s if you were annoyed by the frequent colour change, theres nothing i can do for your lack of taste. Also there is some problem with the two lines that i cudnt colour for some weird reason :S

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Pop rocks!!

POP ROCKS!!!! awww, i used to eat so many of them when i was a kid :D :D :D
I got an email, totally on a different issue but it talked about pop rocks and there i was saying "oh haan, pop rocks,, how i was an addict once..." and so went the trail of memory of the days long gone by. How i used to buy them on my regular trips to a tiny grocery owned by a malwari/malbari guy.
Bringing it back to the car... the anticipation, the excitement while opening the wrapper all used to come in quick succession.I knew that every time i am going to put a few pops in my mouth, its going to go sizzling and tickling and kind of electrifying my tongue but it was always something i experienced for the first time :p There were thoughts on how do these candies look while popping and sizzling on my tongue. To overcome my curiosity my tongue was sometimes out to see the marvel happen. however, the tickling always made me squint my eyes.
Back in those days, the 90s, there was a rumour or some kind of urban legend that eating pop rocks followed by coke would lead to sudden stomach explosion/death of the person!! I was too scared, thanks to my brother(who also made me shave my doll's hair :@!) to try doing that. I loved my life even then :p since i am on that,there are a few good things he taught me, well my early science lessons come from him. He was the one who told me that the earth is always rotating. I was AMAZED,SHOCKED, flabbergasted! On various occasions he told me to feel that we are rotating, moving, revolving.
Right now i so want to eat them once again!

p.s i have a history of eating pop rocks A LOT, refrigerating chips, hiding Polo in my toy basket only to find Bert and Ernie victims of fungus, and swallowing (it slipped!!) chewing gum many times as a result creating a panic situation for mama :p

p.s i wonder if we get pop rocks here hmm

Friday, 26 September 2008

lessons never learnt

what happens when you try to prevent something only to realize it was never going to happen anyway!

I never learn from my mistakes.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

score-rity and sovereignty

After much contemplation here i'm to confess? or merely declare that i have run out of ideas or blahs to blog about? Ummm for that matter i have a number of drafts still awaiting their publication yet i find myself out of energy to on blogging. My friends A.joe and rukh said there comes a phase. well the latter said "shukar hai" or so is my vaguest recall of what our conversation on blog was about.
AH..a sullen air prevails and i dull myself into the comfy sofa. something on the television catches my attention and there i am laughing to the repetition of the word "security". one, the word has no meaning in the current scenario and second, the word itself got twisted and corrupted as it came out during a street show as "score-rity". Every person on the street is saying 'scority' this and 'scority' that and the lack of it, absence of it altogether and blah.
I hover my fingers on the keyboard for long, then i move them like Medusa's (or was the mythological figure sedusa?) hair. finally i rest my fat,'teri meri' fingers on some random (such an overrated word) alphabets that soon took the form of some more randomness, this time words and sentences spread neatly on this white box.
Soon all i can bring myself to say is bullshit for the following excerpt from a news story.

Us respects Pakistan's sovereignty: Bush
President Bush said: "I thank you for coming. And I have really been looking forward to this meeting; after all, Pakistan is a close and important friend." He offered his deepest condolences to the victims of those who died as a result of the terrorist attack in Islamabad.

what about those dying in the tribal areas? both ways its mockery on our faces!

He said Pakistan is an ally and he looks forward to deepening the relationship. "We'll be discussing, of course, how to help spread prosperity. We want our friends around the world to be making a good living.
that concern is least that we want

President Zardari thanked President Bush and said: "Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for your thoughts. As always, you prove to the world that your heart is in there for us Pakistanis, we respect your feelings, we respect the American ideals. And we bring to this the whole concept of your promise to the world of bringing democracy to Pakistan. Democracy has come full circle and it's been the help of all the friends around the world and we are thankful to the world for helping democracy."

i didnt even want to take that name again but somethings you cant really help..

In the end, it all gives me a laugh, score-rity/security and sovereignty total bull.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

This has no name

I promised myself i would not write anything about what happened yesterday in the capital city Islamabad. I decided i would close my eyes and think its alright, this is going to happen again, i have been helpless and its going to be the same when it next happens. Its me staring at the television screen while bombs, dead bodies, fire, ambulances haunt me or it could be me next, among those lifeless souls...
While i drift into this and more i realize i feel nothing. detached, not even guilty. as i wrote comments and feedback on other blogs i realized how quick my fingers went typing, how disgust came to life and yet my eyes were dry, my heart didn't skip a beat, not even when i saw the 'live transmission' of the (horrible,horrendous,inhuman?) act. what does that mean i ask myself.
Yesterday as i watched the hotel blazing with fire on the TV screen exhaustion and tiredness took its rein..the images kept glaring out at me, reaching for me, grabbing me, clawing at me; i remained calm for secretly i knew that's not real.i am here, sitting in the comfy t.v lounge, sipping a cup of hot tea after iftari and that's life,,isn't it? Then i remembered how many times i have done this before, sit there, gape at the screen, or hear a distant bomb blast, or listen to others talk about the disaster and? period.
Its ironically an entertaining thought and somewhat of an accomplishment as well that we have become so good at doing this, writing our heart out on blogs and shed our catharsis and be done with it. its quite an achievement on my part that i, having gone through last night's episode of terrorism wake up next morning, rather heroically and talk and write about the incident
A few seconds spent on deciding what i am going to title this post as and voila there i am with 'this has no name'
Who and what has no name? the act of terrorism?, the people going out and blowing themselves? the people who died yesterday and were soon reduced to mere number of deaths or me, a guiltless, unharmed person who jumps on the blog world and is happy with it?
As my senses shout out to me from somewhere inside, i realize that this time i am angry (im glad to still have the ability to express this emotion) at the media, our 'free and flourishing' media. how many hours after the act were they still throwing out the gory images and talking non sense as if gods? how many reporters were there out on The Site and babbling out their reports non coherently? The last thing i saw and wanted to smash the screen was when the reporters went into the ruins of the hotel and said " Nazaareen ap dekh rahay hain kay kis buri tarah say computers bhi taba ho gaye"( as you can see even the computers have been completely destroyed in this blast) or "yeh dekhain idhar mukhtallif mumaliq ki timings waali clocks display theen" (look here, this was the wall where clocks of different countries were displaying their respective times)
After such a traumatic incident, i ask, did we really need to know such insignificant details of a place in ruins now? Do we really have to see the same clips umpteenth times every other second? Lets raise the banner of 'oh how free our media is' but sadly not mature and decent enough.

Sunday, 14 September 2008

Of love and love

I sit here,like i do every day and ponder. My mind strays off to things, random, some of value and some of no significance. People around me talk about love and happiness and power. I know none. The words, the thoughts, the void itself betrays me. I am left with none. I do not know what love is beyond that it accounts for our lives. That we fight many wars for love, that we sacrifice for the mere word. that we die for it. that love is not for everyone. Few have it, yet less than few can feel it and less than less few can truly experience it. so its established that love is a rare commodity. still there is little i understand of love and happiness. Do we really need to understand the feelings born out of these two...
The companionship of love with us is born the day we are born. It grows and nurtures along with our entity. It has been there when we were but a mere fetus. The love, raw and non existent but there, very much. What shapes us as we grow in the world, also gives contours to the existence of love within us. L.O.V.E.
The four lettered word is tested time and again by people, they put themselves and others to test for this word. I am told it is more than just a word. indeed, but what?

I had a dream of a flower. As the petals gently curled opened themselves to the rhythm of morning air, the dance of the dew; I realized that something between them three was born. it was love. Love of their companionship of only a couple of fragile moments.

Human love, does it make us selfish? if true love is pure and beyond petty things in life then how come we develop traits that go against the very idea of a pristine feeling of love.

Friday, 12 September 2008


Clouds have always fascinated me for which reason i end up taking lots of pictures of the sky. I took many pictures of clouds in the sky last month which was marking the end of monsoon. Luckily i was able to get some good clicks at the right time. The best part about these pictures is that the colours and shades in the sky were intriguing when i took these amateur shots. Here have a look.

ps: click on the image to have a closer look. Do you see a black spot in the second picture? i think its the sun!

i had to quickly rummage through my folder and upload some more,,crucial time!

Thursday, 4 September 2008

7 weird things going on to more

Seems like weird-things-about-me season is blossoming at a high rate on blogs :D and so i have been tagged recently (i am on cloud nine, seriously!) by a dear blogger Shysoul. thank you :) here i unleash my weird side of insane personality

1) I share this first and foremost weirdness with my friend Amna aka aami. we have set out a day, Hysterical Wednesdays, especially for letting ourselves go mad,entirely and completely and intentionally.one of the highlights of The day is lots and lots of laughter for no apparent reason. And it comes all by itself..some magic you see.
2) I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and a proud one:D here is only a few of my OCD's unveiled, so Behold!

a) Cannot tolerate badly folded sheets, clothes etc. if someone folds my sheets, clothes and i find them even an inch wrong, i would unfold them and redo the whole thing :D (definitely a way to drive the person crazy :$) declared guilty

b) I make my bed to the point of extreme perfection, not even a single crease ( yes, my mother is happy with me making my bed meself lol)

c) I have marked the tag of my blanket with my initials so that NO ONE else uses them, also i make sure that the side of the blanket that comes toward my feet should always be at my feet and not towards my face :D
3) I don't do my eyebrows :D i have God gifted shaped brows..so no hassle of running to the nearby saloon ( i read someone else (blogger) writing this too :D)
4) I can, however, pluck eye brows of others only if anyone wants to volunteer, i can prove it :D
5) Zero tolerance for dog-eared books especially when someone borrows them from me. i give them a bookmark along with a long instruction of how to use the book while reading.
6) Proudly a self acclaimed loser :D just a few hours back i told Smacula to tag me (only indirectly) and he did too, thank you ehehehhe
7) I can eat more than 4 magnums at a time and still have an irresistible desire to have more.
8) I can listen to songs umpteenth times and yet not be able to memorize the lyrics.
9) I stare people. A lot.
10) I have no sense of direction. its been two years in university and i still forget what way is which classroom. sigh!
11) I have discovered a NEW weirdness about me though not very weird but irritatingly weird, i have been transformed into a slow reader. i completed Angels and Demons in around 6 months!!
12) I can watch Saw 1, 2, and 3 all at a time and still not feel disgusted.
13) Total neat freak, my drawers, book shelves are always highly organized. i never get a chance of spring cleaning :p
14) I have a fast typing speed, i can type without looking at the keyboard like many people, BUT the weird thing is that i cant seem to remember what lies next to alphabet A, or what button lies under Tab.
15) I can turn my tongue to the left, completely side ways but not to the right (probably coz i am lefty??)
16) I can touch my nose with my tongue :D
17) I watched complete 15 movies on youtube this summer
18) I have a record of losing my spectacles three times in a row by simply dropping them off my lap while getting out of the car.
19) Every time i am late for university,i reach before time :S
20) I always spell weird to 'wierd', every time i write or type it. For years i didnt even realize i have been spelling it wrong.
21) I have this craze for colourful pens (yes i am an adult now). Writing with purple, red, green and the likes is the best part of jotting down notes.
22) I dont remember a single poem by heart that i have written.
23) I never forget birthdays. I can remember birthdays of as many people as possible. I am ultra good with that :D
24) Climbing one stair at a time bores me.

i had a dream last night and my devil informed me i had missed on a few imp weird rituals/thing that i own to my name. so here i am again, cursed by this temptation :p

25) When i was a kid i used to eat raw lady fingers and in return my dad used to give me 5 Dirhams to complete the challenge successfully
26) On most days to university i try as much as i can to wear matching socks!! and just the other day i got a 'compliment' from a teacher and i was like,,ya that my signature style :p
27) I used to have 3 imaginary friends in my childhood (probably thats not weird)
28) Cannot imagine my life without cheese!
29) There was a time i used to wish for a sea in Lahore :/
thats it for now i guess. PHEW!
I wanted to tag so many people but most of them are not only tagged,they have already published their weirdness list :D
therefore i now tag M.h.a,Rukh, Illusion, Nav, Aima

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Hamartia of our lives II

I have found a deep intertwined relation between our failures (tragic flaw) and the delusion of utopia. Before anyone start to raise their eyebrows in skepticism let’s begin the talk. We are all victims of tragic flaw. I never quite agreed with Shakespeare's theory of tragic flaw being one of the primary factors that brought about his characters'/protagonists' downfall and ultimately their death. All my literature classes consumed by the plays left me conflicting with his idea that seemed a bit invalid to me. Today a couple of years from then I have come to realize how true he had been. We indeed are vulnerable to our own tragic flaw. Aristotle the great scholar of all times described this tragic flaw as hamartia. It is the mistake in the personality, an accident and even a sin committed that leads to the ultimate downfall. How often does it happen with us that we find ourselves defeated and betrayed? It seems life has been extremely unfair to us alone. The complexities of life maim our souls and through no apparent fault of ours we fall into a deep pit of bleakness. But it is always so easy to blame others for the mistakes that we unconsciously make. Isn't it? It is like throwing all the burden of guilt on life's unpredictable ways and the evils of the world that robs us of our virtues. Some things in life become so clich├ęd that it amazes us at times. When we want to close the whole debate and the inner ongoing conflict it's always our favourite line "ah the irony of life" or the oft recited phrase "our fate" and there you go. It was easy wasn't it? We just over look the mistake we might have made. Forget about the contradiction of philosophies and thoughts that we carry with ourselves. But there are things one just cannot sweep under the carpet and forget about them. Sometime or the other it does resurface and remind you of your crime, your weakness, your tragic flaw. But like Brutus never realizes his tragic flaw and dies in the process so do we. We are the Macbeths’- noble yet overshadowed by the power of our hidden hamartia. Overcome by the lustful temptation to kill his king, his master and to fulfill the greed of a throne Macbeth commits the crime of his life. He murders to satisfy his desire but falls prey to his own failings. Irony! The question is can we overcome our tragic flaws in the midst of the perfectly enigmatic and tempting world we are thrown into? Can we ever reach the Utopian world that we long for? Perhaps like Hamlet we can…but in doing so it brought about his self destruction…
The scar of hamartia, though hidden, slowly eats us up and is still actively doing so; we are forever forsaken to achieve the unachievable- Utopia. The illusion set by 'hamartia' is the thought that there is something such as utopia. Stoic Brutus was guided by hamartia that perhaps Caesar was at fault, that perchance his death will free the Romans from dystopia. The reality, however, was different. We are only able to see the mirage as was Brutus, when in reality it is nothing but our imperfection cleverly disguised as our strength.
In the words of Tennessee Williams "man is by instinct a hunter, a lover, a fighter". If man is born with such instincts of survival there can be no place for a world such as 'utopia'. Our inborn tragic flaw is bound to ruin the ideal state we all dream of. Perfection is not made for human beings. And utopia is a perfect place…
Power, lust of supremacy, desire to rein over the world, all smashes the ideal life, the perfection and utopia right away. The strife, the hunger, the battle to win power by hook or by crook would never let man live a utopian life. Survival of the fittest instinct shells out and there is no place for those who can't and don't. My obsession and fascination with 'survival of the fittest' furthers my point. The wild, uncouth side of man unleashes itself for the survival of his own existence. The mortality of humans become even more signified and highlighted. Like animals in jungle we follow no rule, we attack our prey, rip apart their skin and feed on them callously. It's like the bigger fish eats the smaller. Nonetheless as human beings we should have been better; at least we could and should have tried to live up to the title bestowed on us as 'Ashraf ul Makhluqat'.
The tragic flaw is somewhat different in nature to what I initially began with. Shakespeare's hamartia or for that matter Aristotle's was where a man with a noble and magnanimous character trips over his own veiled flaw that twists his fate into a carefully weaved tragedy. The beauty of this hamartia made people awed, empathize and cry with the tragedy befallen on the magnificent person. The hamartia of today has turned out to be a bit ugly; like the face and soul of man has been distorted so has this flaw. Today, the mistakes, the flaws of a person tagged with a high status though falls like an avalanche similar to that portrayed by the playwrights and philosophers; they, however, do not have the dignity and the aura that even the villain of plays had. Unlike the flawed yet magnanimous character that is bound to die in the end creating a mammoth of ripples; today it fails to die but doesn’t fall short of killing. So in a way the ripple effect is there but on the cost of others. We are no more awed and spell bound by this tragedy. And there is no room for any catharsis either. Perhaps we are immune to it now.
In Bible, conversely, Hamartia is strictly referred to as sin and on various levels interpreted as a moral error. Which might take us back to our ancestors and the first murder on earth, it too was the result of a tragic flaw, a moral error? Some have deduced hamartia not as a sin, but actually avoiding a sinful action and as a result facing terrible consequences. Whatever and however we infer the meaning of hamartia within us; the battle, and the conflict would always continue. We shall always be making mistakes.
And how aptly a friend of mine quoted ‘...And you gods will give us faults to make us men’ from one of Shakespeare’s plays. It won’t be wrong to claim that whether we are born with a golden spoon or on a roadside without shelter and food we bring our faults as something universally hereditary. As long as these stay with us, utopia is out of reach, a delusion we should stop thriving for. Our forefathers Cane and Able even they couldn’t prevent themselves from the surmounting flaws embedded in their natures. How Cane’s own flaw, his jealousy for Able brought about a treacherous act resulted in a first ever brutal murder on earth. Wasn’t this an indication of man’s flaw and an allusion to our lives today? Certainly it was. Murder today is not a sin it seems. Theft is a way to survive. Lying is our second name and hypocrisy our identity. Personally I don’t think that a place where staying alive makes one do things are morally and ethically wrong especially doing them intentionally (let’s just keep tragic flaw out of the way) would one day turn out to be utopia. No abracadabra would work, and no we don’t live in a magic land though we do live in a mafia land. A place so far away from what utopia could be. I read a term a few days back ‘classless utopia’. There have been classes and will be class differences in the time to come no matter how far we take our geniuses and discoveries. Hierarchies would always be there both in the first world and the third world. Karl Marx talked of communism, the rights of the labour, the proletariat and the ruthless capitalism. Today we are living in a world of capitalism. History talks of our ancestors who fought against colonialism. And the phenomenon wasn’t only prevalent in the subcontinent but other places as well. Slaves were imported and sent to work for plantations. It was simply colonialism. Today it is shrouded in a term we have coined ‘neo colonialism’: manifestation of imperialism. A path set by powerful nations, placed high above on the hierarchy.
The above is a flaw, a major one running through our bloods, poisoning every bit of us. All of this has its roots in a syndrome which has been self imposed or perhaps otherwise. On an emotional front we, the vicious mortals, are hopeless. Better not indulge myself into this because then I would have to dive into an entirely different realm of hamartia (though the emotional aspect has gone side by side throughout this post, somewhere in the background, distant but always there in all our dealings and reactions and downfalls)

To conclude my credence what’s better than to quote the following:
As Clayton Cramer, a historian once said "Abandon all hopes of utopia - there are people involved". No doubt he was so true.

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

I m mute!

It happened last year and before that i was victimized by it two years back...such regular intervals, i already know when i m going to be struck by it next time.. UGHHH and i am hating it!!!! :@
Narcissist that i am and have been guilty of since i read people writing about the trend of blogging in Pakistan to be something very personal rather than productive :$ Indeed, at least my blog is just about me, i am the one who looks into the river and admire myself but not these days!!
Since i m here after a few days of absence i feel obliged to write a little about it.I have a MAJOR MAJOR throat infection, fever and all the regular flu. sigh. its very, very, extremely BAD.
To begin with i have lost my voice. My vocal cords have given up on me. i cant speak coherently without everyone looking at me stunned and asking: what? what did you say? and come again? SO i am highly vexed! I am totally consumed in my phlegm, running nose, husky hoarse voice.Even ugly than that. Hmmmmm, o ya, it sounds more like Simpson's wife Marge's voice LOL. Sometimes i feel i am talking from under the water. In short it is dreadfully and exceedingly excruciating.
Its the beginning of Ramazan, mashAllah and guess what i am totally, awfully in a deplorable state. How bad could it be? The doc said i cant have Pakoras or any of the delicious iftari [fast breaking] feast :( With this i wish all my Muslim blog readers Ramazan Mubarak :)


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